areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
sex in a hospital.. check
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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