If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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