direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
