I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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