Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
