Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize