i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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