I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
