Duck Duck Cougar?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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