is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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