the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
