You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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