I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize