Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
