I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
