I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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