I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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