You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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