do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
