i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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