u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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