My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
