the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
