that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Shame is for Republicans.
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