I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Boobs are out for the taking
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
