i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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