I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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