i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
