no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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