Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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