Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
