I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
