Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
