just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
