dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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