doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
