I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
