Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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