Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
