I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
