Me too!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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