Whod you bang
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
