So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
