i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
