Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
