you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
