i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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