Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
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I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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