you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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