he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
