Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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