how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
