please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
