ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
