I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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