I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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