i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
