The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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