you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
3 2 1 whiskey
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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