Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you traded sex for a burrito?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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