I think I am morally bankrupt
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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