your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sarcasm needs its own font
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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