So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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