I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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