It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
