so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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