we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We left the knife in your bed.
Your cock deserves a montage
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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40s are totally the cure
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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