if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who died my cat blue again?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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