Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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