First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
