Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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