Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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