my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
