Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
