Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
of course. lets lasso hookers.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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