Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
