I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
