stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
