the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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